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lara monica
This blog's consisting of super emotional feelings. Better be prepared for heartfelt narratives. All the written "stories" in here are based on a true-to-life story.
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breakeven
Right now, (well, as always) I'm feeling down and over thinking the things that (again) happened in the past. Maybe I just haven't moved on and haven't let go of the things that hurt me and changed my life. Many things have already happened, experienced new things, met new people, went to different places, laugh at shallow things and cried for the different and of course, for the same reason again and again. I really wanted to be okay, to be okay in a way that I don't feel the hurt feelings I felt every time I remember it. I want to be okay in a way that I'm not hoping that things will be the same like before with the same person. I just wanted to be happy and live the life that I have now in the happiest that I can, to live my life to the fullest and be thankful to the things that made me cry and laugh and molded me to who I am right now.
I'm now listening to the song Breakeven by The Script. and this..
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathingyes, I'm still alive but I hardly catching my breath, this happens when I'm crying, crying so hard because of the pain. I always wanted to feel relieved, I don't want to feel regretful.. I made this decision, we chose this path and I know that everything is better this way, but why do I feel hurt if things are better this way? Because of this trial I've been through, I became more faithful, like everyday, I visited our chapel and pray, kahit na late na ako for our class, I still visit our school chapel, kasi I might break down within the day.
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even
Her best days will be some of my worstShe finally met a man that's gonna put her firstWhile I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven
He already have the girl he loved all along, his first love, the person who he loved even if he had me. I had this experience that I couldn't sleep even if I was tired because all I think was him, what will I do with our relationship, or what happened to us. ugh. so many things to think, so many realizations at night. so many heartaches.
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you, And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okI'm falling to pieces, yeah, I'm falling to pieces
This morning, I remembered the time I literally fell into pieces. yung bigla nalang iiyak. yung wala nang magagawa kundi iiyak nalang. pero yung kahit anong iyak mo, hindi naman mawawala yung sakit eh, hindi naman mababwi lahat ng pain na naramdaman mo, hindi mo na mababalik yung time at buong buhay mong andyan na yung scar, maghilom man yung sugat sa puso mo, may matitira at matitira pa ring bakas na naiwan sa naranasan mo noong nakaraan.
They say bad things happen for a reasonBut no wise words gonna stop the bleedingCos she's moved on while I'm still grievingAnd when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even
As I've said, I made this choice, we chose this path, we know that things will be better this way, but why am I still feeling the pain? why do I feel hurt, why do I still feel cheated, why am i still crying, why am I still hoping that someday, they will feel the pain I felt but worst. That moment when I saw their pictures together, happy pictures while I'm still grieving, crying, hoping for another chance, holding on and not yet letting go, I fell into pieces and really hoped for death rather than feel the extreme emotional pain. There went a time pa na I'm not afraid to die, I crossed the street without looking on the left and right, and I wanted to jump on the rails of the lrt. sorry.
Letting go and moving on is far from easy. Easy to say, hard to do. I've tried so hard to be strong.... pero parang eto nanaman, nalulungkot nanaman ako all over again, thinking whys and what ifs, missing the person I loved most. The person i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The person I made plans with. The person who saw me at my best and worst. The person who made me laugh and cry but I still love him. I miss you, I miss you so much. And no enough words could say how much I miss you...
